i dont want to be friends

why we have to end it like this

just look at me, only look at me

i want to be the only person in your eyes, but i know

i know that will never happen

 

i cant eat

i cant sleep

i have lost a lot of weighs

and i cant smile

 

whats love

whats hate

where is the care you said

 

 

music just played "Good bye my lover"

the past came to me....

i still remember the night we were in the car and you told me you waned to give me this song the night before

 

i been thinking after our talk

whats the right thing to do

yes we both want to keep in touch because we both care.

but i can never move on if i know you miss me too

i can never move on if i heard "i still love you" from you

i can not stop thinking how you flirt with others

i can not stop thinking what you like when you ring them.

 

there are questions in my head that i cant never understand and i will never get the answers from you

there are many sentences in my head that starts at how could you...?

i am negative i am not happy coz i still need to clear my head

i need to understand there r things in the world got no answers.

"i dont know" means the answer might hurts so we dont tell.

the worst dream just came true this morning.

well i found it out this morning.

after the talk, i feel relieved.

its not that bad, just i am not open minded enough for the relationship.

glad i found out about it, otherwise i will still be stuck in my own cage

now the storm has passed, i will be able to see the sky hopefully soon

might rain sometimes if i think about you

but its okay

i will be alright

Katy Perry - Hot N Cold

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you, PMS
Like a bitch
I would know

And you over think
Always speak
Crypticly

I should know
That you’re no good for me

Cause you’re hot then you’re cold
You’re yes then you’re no
You’re in then you’re out
You’re up then you’re down
You’re wrong when it’s right
It’s black and it’s white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
(you)You don’t really want to stay, no
(but you)But you don’t really want to go-o
You’re hot then you’re cold
You’re yes then you’re no
You’re in and you’re out
You’re up and you’re down

We used to be
Just like twins
So in sync
The same energy
Now’s a dead battery
Used to laugh bout nothing
Now your plain boring

I should know that
You’re not gonna change

Cause you’re hot then you’re cold
You’re yes then you’re no
You’re in then you’re out
You’re up then you’re down
You’re wrong when it’s right
It’s black and it’s white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
(you)You don’t really want to stay, no
(but you)But you don’t really want to go-o
You’re hot then you’re cold
You’re yes then you’re no
You’re in and you’re out
You’re up and you’re down

Someone call the doctor
Got a case of a love bi-polar
Stuck on a roller coaster
Can’t get off this ride

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes

Cause you’re hot then you’re cold
You’re yes then you’re no
You’re in then you’re out
You’re up then you’re down
You’re wrong when it’s right
It’s black and it’s white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
(you)You don’t really want to stay, no
(but you)But you don’t really want to go-o
You’re hot then you’re cold
You’re yes then you’re no
You’re in and you’re out
You’re up and you’re down

Kelly Clarkson - Never Again

 

 

I hope the ring you gave to her
Turned her finger green
I hope when you’re in bed with her
You think of me
I would never wish bad things
But I don’t wish you well
Could you tell
By the flames that burned your words
I never read your letter
Cause I knew what you’d say
Give me that Sunday school answer
Try to make it all okay

Does it hurt
To know ill never be there
bet it sucks
to see my face everywhere
It was you
Who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
Tou knew
Exactly what you would do
Don’t say
You simply lost your way
She may believe you
But I never will
Never again
Never again
Never again
Never again

If she really knows the truth
She deserves you
A trophy wife
Oh how cute
Ignorance is bliss
But when your day comes
And he’s through with you
And he’ll be through with you
You’ll die together but alone
You wrote me in a letter
You couldn’t say it right to my face
Give me that Sunday school answer
Repent yourself away

Does it hurt
To know ill never be there
Bet it sucks to see my face everywhere
It was you
Who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
You knew
Exactly what you would do
And don’t say
You simply lost your way
They may believe you
But I never will
Never again
Never again
Never again
Never again

Never again will I hear you
Never again will I miss you
Never again will I fall to you
Never
Never again will I hear you
Never again will I miss you
Never again will I fall to you
Never
Never again will I kiss you
Never again will I want to
Never again will I love you
Never!

Does it hurt
To know ill never be there
Bet it sucks to see my face everywhere
It was you
Who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
You knew
Exactly what you would do
Don’t say
You simply lost your way
They may believe you
But I never will
I Never Will
I never will
Never again
Never again
Never again

 

 

i had a dream

a dream about you

a dream that breaking me to pieces again

i thought i've already  walked pass you

but i still feel the same, still standing at the same spot waiting for the time to pass

couldnt go back to sleep after i woke up last night

i keep wondering when will i get back to the same old me, the same me before i met you

i feel i can hardly breath and feel i can throw up within the next second whole day today

but i am still ok, i am still alive

i am scared to go to sleep coz i dont know when will be the next time i wake up crying

dont know what else can i do to help myself

when will i feel better?

when can i move on?

when will i be more independent?

Its my birthday today, well it was my birthday 45 mins ago.

i been thinking about you and my 21st birthday party.

i read thru my blog and saw our memories.

i'm glad that we made this dicision, coz we need it.

we need better lives without each other.

maybe thats what i really need, a life without you.

i m moving on with my life, even i still find an empty space in my heart, and my soul.

but i am trying.

 

I have left New Zealand for 12 days already, but i still cant get used to not being with you.

Every day i think about is your family, buying things for them, taking photos to show you.

I didnt even think about buy something for myself.

Eating vegi soup everyday every meal because i want look pretty when you see me.

I want have more money then i can buy more things for the kids and you.

but things will never going my way.

you dont trust me when i really honest with you.

i dont want to hear sorry at the next day after fight.

i am trying very hard to make you happy but things will never going my way.

i changed the date of the flight but you dont seem very happy.

what can i do to make you happy?

maybe i am not really the one for you.

but i know you are the one for me.

i cant think about other people, because i already give you my heart.

i dont care what other people say, because you are the matter to me.

i wish, wish everything going all right.

i wish, wish there is no end of our story.

i wish, wish one day you will understand.

 

babe i forgot tell you, 4 hrs before is the 1st day we met. it has been 1 yr now.

i'm happy i met you. i am really really happy.

Should I say I had a shitty day today?!

Dad rang me this afternoon and told me they think i should go back to TW hv a seriously health check.

I know I should, because there is something wrong with my body. i know.

but i really really dont wanna go back to taiwan.

I have booked 3 months return tickets but i really hope i can come back b4 Christmas.

Still upset about this news....

my babe looks sad even he pretend he is not, but i know... i can see from his eyes.

i hope i can book on 8th then i can come back just b4 Xmas.

i gonna buy lots cloths and toys for them ( 1 big babe and 3 little babes :-D)

and buy something for Kevin and Joan

 

i love them very much.... i dont wanna leave.....

 

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I DO NOT WANT GO BACK TO TAIWAN!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jemma最後跑過來說"Amanda, can I see your lolly pup? "

 

Babe... i am too in luv wif you....

thats why i feel myself so weird..

i scared abt everything

last nyt i was thinking, if one day you leave me, wot would i be...

then my tears started to drop, one. two. five. ten. lots lots tears came out from my eyes.

i dont know.

i dont know wot should i do.

i know i shouldnt be worried too much.

but who knows abt the word " future".

i feel like you r the last guy i will ever love in the rest of my life.

i dont wanna be too emotion abt things...

am trying, coz i know am not perfect.

i will try not to be scared abt lil things.

u r coming to my house now, mayb u know i am worry.

i really hope we hv a good life together, but many things are making us even harder.

babe i want you to know i really really love you.

i will never break your heart, coz it will breaks my heart too.

昨晚PARTY超棒的 好多好多人來喔 我玩的粉開心

晚上八點就先去接yoyo,seven and carolyn然後就衝去買酒 買了一瓶wisky

然後趕去超市買PARTY要用的東西

到家的時候已經要九點了

Mindy是第一個朋友在我們回到家之後過來的

還帶來了親手做的泡芙 (超好吃的謝謝敏第, 不過在我哥帶領下 趁我不在現場跟其他人偷吃了 =__=)

下一個來的是JAY 不錯不錯 很準時

後來我哥女朋友Lin的朋友Dorthy跟Jimmy 哈哈 兩個搞笑的人

然後陸續就一大堆人來了

范宇,Ali, Kavita, James, Kerisse and her sister, William, Christian, Jerry, Joe and Ani, Denni and Yuki, Mark, Cinny, Stephen and his g/f, Ben, Shin, Alex, Jason and his g/f, 熊, Frances, Yan, 古堡老闆 (好笑, 居然在我卡片上用古堡的名義留言), 管院校草(不好意思我哥這樣介紹你 我也不知道你的真名是啥)

還有一堆人可是我都不知道他們名字怎麼寫 =__= 不是故意不寫啦

人家我後來喝芒了 如果有沒提到名字的 拜託看到的人留個言 提醒我一下

昨晚真的超讚的 狂喝  大家都買酒來當禮物送 可能我酒鬼的名字已經深深烙印在大家的心裡了吧

不過真的很開心喔  我也是真的很愛喝啦 =__="

收到兩大瓶tequila跟一小瓶tequila 大家跟我一同喝shots 感覺超好的

還收到一堆酒已經忘了名字了 不過我只想說....

拜託, 大家起碼開了我的禮物酒 也讓我喝一口嘛 =__=

我完全不知道酒全被喝完了 還是隔天起床才發現一堆空瓶

我連一滴都沒沾到  心裡暗自哭泣中

 

不過還是很高興啦 痛快的喝tequila 我大概喝了有半瓶了吧 不過神奇的是 昨晚沒吐耶

大概現在天天喝紅酒 已經練就一肚皮好酒量...但是代價肚皮變大 >_<

算了 在減就好在減就好

希望大家昨晚也真的玩的開心喔呵呵

因為我今早起床之後一看到整屋子要整理就頭痛

好不容易下定決心跟寶貝一起整理 居然花了兩三個小時

哥哥也有幫忙 不錯 這可是難得中的難得阿 哈哈哈

 

禮物會全部拍照起來 過幾天放到相冊裡 不過PARTY照片只有幾張

我玩的太開心 喝的太爽 完全忘了照相這回事

覺得最可惜的就是沒在我哥他們偷吃之前把敏弟的心意照下來 埃

算了 美麗又可口的泡芙已經被我用第一時間 狠狠記在心裡了

 

最後 真的要謝謝大家 讓我這個21歲的生日 這麼精采 

我想 我一輩子都會牢牢記住這個充滿回憶的21歲生日

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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